How to Know Which Church Is for You? My Personal Experience: How I Chose Which Church to Consistently Attend
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Not sure which church is right for you? I've been there. In this post, I share my honest, personal journey of attending multiple churches- from a small traditional local church to a Spanish-speaking house church, an online church, and a large growing congregation- before finally finding the one I consistently call home. I break down the pros and cons of each, what kept me there and what made me leave, and the spiritual lessons I learned along the way. Whether you're a new believer, someone who feels spiritually dry, or simply searching for a church that truly fits- this guide will help you ask the right questions and make a decision rooted in faith, not just convenience.
Here are the pros and cons of each church I attended, along with my thoughts on each. Through my experience, I hope it helps you to discover the right church for you.
First Church — Small Local Anglican/Traditional Church
First church ever- was good at first, felt God’s presence- but initially didn’t realise it wasn’t the actual building or people that encompassed the spirit of God, it was me. This was the church my parents were familiar with- the man who sponsored them to England. My parents, I wouldn’t say force or encouraged, but more like told me to go when I was little and was not at all ready for any faith. I hated it there- I hated playing with other kids. Later on, I even felt a little dizzy, just like my mum, now, whenever she attends any churches (the reason is it’s a demonic spiritual attack trying to prevent her from hearing the good news of Jesus or even experiencing the knowledge of Christ), as she doesn’t attend church at all. I did return because my mum refused to allow me to join an online church (which was the online church member who was actually the daughter of the pastor who led me to Christ)- they speak in tongues, too. Something that many churches don’t do. So, I agreed reluctantly, but the good thing was… I ended up telling one of my colleagues, and what I believed in (even if that meant mentioning heaven and hell), he agreed to attend church with me until we all stopped attending that church- both of us felt dry at that church. They did connect with the other community, but it was more of a leadership thing than a congregational one. They served coffee and tea once a month.
Why I finally left:
Declining church attendance- my colleague was the latest new member for at least 2 years
I was hoping to meet Christians my age, but the congregation was mostly elderly, with only a handful of people around my age
The vicar left for new pastures- so I did too. If he believed he could expand and grow at a newer church after 4-5 years, then surely I could too
They did run some discipleship courses, like Alpha and others
Yes, it was only a 5-minute walk from my house, but spending 1.5 hours at the service felt like too much for little spiritual gain
I wasn't being stirred up in my faith- I felt stagnant. Always the same songs. What once felt like a blessing became a source of irritation. Though I will admit — I do miss hearing the voices of that congregation singing.
If you like a small, intimate church, don't mind an elderly congregation, want convenience, and prefer in-person over online worship, then this kind of church might still be right for you. But I no longer had a reason to stay somewhere that wasn't progressing- spiritually or personally. They'd even stopped printing flyers for events like Easter, because they felt it no longer worked. Meanwhile, the church I now attend still prints flyers- and that tells you something.
Praying for them: Lord, I pray that this particular church, don’t get too comfortable being secure- that Lord there will be a fire in them, not just for the members to sit there every Sunday and not advancing the kingdom- Lord, I’m worried they will be like revelation churches where the congregation/church perish. Lord, I do not know what to do about this church, I kept on feeling like I want to criticise and condemn this church though Lord you may still have a few faithfully serving you- Lord for the sake of your people at this church- Lord would you allow other churches to reunite with this church and grow more members- though Lord, I know you might not see numbers but Lord, you see the hearts of your people- Lord I do not want your people without a shepherd. Lord, I can only hope that people rely on you for help, not on man. Lord, I hope these people continue to seek you until the time of their race ends. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Second Church- Small Spanish-Speaking House Church
I also tried my pastor colleague's very small Spanish-speaking church. The colleague at my workplace at the time invited me to his church- it was more like a house church. He’s a pastor, and he did service at 3 pm, which lasted the usual hour. I even received God’s prophecy over my life, along with my sister and a colleague (the one I went to church with), from a special visitor of the pastor.
This church was good- they made the message clear to understand. Just wasn’t for me- wasn’t for my colleague either, because they (one of the young teens) had to translate the message and passage of the bible to English. It felt very awkward and a burden to be there.
Pros and cons:
Very few members
Mainly Spanish-speaking
Simple, biblically sound message- clear fundamentals
Not accessible if you don't speak Spanish
Praying for them: Lord, I pray that this church continue to grow and that the members all find the time to always attend to meet each other. That the pastor continue to be hopeful and be fruitful in his ministry. That each of his members grows into maturity and continues to keep their faith. Let each of these members serve and be a blessing to their community. That their members continue to do outreach and do missionary work. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.
Third Church- Online Church / Virtual Church
Small numbers as well- could tell that the pastor had a strong presence and authority, and very sound teaching. (If you're interested in attending this church, let me know, and I can send you the Zoom link. I still attend their weekly online bible study on and off, and used to attend their Friday night prayers, but stopped after (my colleague, too, had been to Friday night prayers). I really enjoyed attending the prayers; they prayed for people to find jobs, and God answered by giving my colleague a new job and me one as well. I liked the fact that the pastor also consistently prays for people in hospitals who are sick- I thought that was nice until I entered healthcare, and I thought that this is quite important and relevant because patients need all the support they can get.
Benefits of online church:
No travel costs or commute
Flexibility for those who work shifts or irregular hours
Access to Spirit-filled teaching from anywhere
A real sense of Christian community, even virtually
Can get a bit distracting especially if your mum curses over the phone about me attending online church (maybe it’s not advisory if you have family members who are not believers and they don’t like to hear about God, God all the time and so just by them hearing about it- they will start to mock but it’s funny how my mum doesn’t mind me joining a dying church but is very concern when I attend a (online) church that is spiritually fulfilling and carry the presence of God. Some people argue that online churches can be dangerous (yes, of course, your non-believing mum is going to be worried that some so-called online church is going to brainwash you)- but this online church I had found from my sister’s connection, which is through word of mouth and not completely through online, or in other words, out of the blue. At times, I attend the weekly online bible study meeting, though I dispute my mum’s disapproval because at the end of the day, I want to prioritise my relationship with God and if the ‘online’ church helps me to get closer and a clearer understanding of God, what can mere man do to me? Sometimes, you can tell when the devil operates through your unbelieving family members- they cause you to stop reading the bible and only want you to dim the fire you have within you until you become bone dry and lukewarm. What they don’t realise is that having and knowing God will change your character, making you a blessing to others, because you understand that the sum of the law is to love God and to love others. They won’t understand that man is corrupt and will do wicked things, but with God and obeying him, man still has that corruptible nature (old man), but will harm less (that if they continue to seek God, I’m not talking about the lukewarm Christians who are not progressing in their faith).
Plus, sometimes people have work, which means they can only attend when they are not working. For me, attending online church does not take away the blessings that God has for people who attend. Yes, it’s good if you can attend in person- but as long as you’re feeding your spiritual man/nature, then that’s what’s most important here, so don’t let people judge you when they hear that you only attend online church.
Praying for them: Lord, I pray for the online church- I pray for his family to be protected. I pray that his ministry grow in numbers. I pray that the pastor (man of God) continue to do his work, which gives him hope to continue. I know that his church is small- Lord, I really want you to bless them, and I hope all the members to be ready for Christ. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Fourth Church- Large Black-Majority Church (28 Miles Away)
I did travel to another church, but was it worth it? This church was recommended to my sister at uni.
Honestly, I’ve tried 2 attempts but thought it’s not worth the time and effort- serve last 3 hours, finish at 6 pm, then have to check the train, and by the time I reach home, I’m exhausted and have work the next day.
I really liked that they had a dance group and even an acting performance, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of restlessness while attending the service and staying in one spot for 3 hours.
The message was good, but only for young people, not mixed-race people. I felt kinda left out, like feeling like a minority within the minority. I just felt a bit mismatched. Like you do get with some churches- you don’t belong initially but then as you join other events at church you meet more people, in this case I can’t help but feel I really wanted to get along with others (actively connect with others) but then again I can’t force myself to connect with people my age if they don’t want to/desire to.
(A bit off the tangent here) I came to realise that God made me Asian and for a blessing that other Asians connect with me so likewise the (colleague is Mauritius and when we were aboard in a non-speaking country an Indian guy came up to him and thought he was another Indian too because of his skin colour which made me see that, ahh God really made humans to like other humans who look similar to them, like I’m not trying to be racist but there’s some real psychological thing happen subconsciously when people meet people they see themselves like them that makes them feel safe and trustworthy). Like to the Chinese I look Chinese even though my parents are both Cambodian and the Cambodian’s say I look Chinese, Thai, or even Japanese (all but their own which is kinda why I feel a bit of hostility towards Cambodian for they forsaken me as their own simply because A) I don’t look like them and B) I’m not fluent in their language- but God called me likewise. I know I’m not the only one here because in other countries, too, you might have the skin colour, but if you don’t speak their native language, even though you might have a dual citizen passport, they will disregard you as one of their own.
Current Church- Growing, Community-Focused Church (Over 200 Members)
I left the current church last. The one I go to now has about 200 members attending each service, and they bring guest speakers from other churches. They serve the communities by offering many relevant courses, such as how to get out of debt and find a job. They have an open café every Monday, offering affordable meals, and a new community grocery next door. They also want to expand next year to 3 services (they currently run 2, 9 am and 11 pm). They are growing in numbers; they have 50 members baptised this year. They have many life groups to join (I even found a group my age then got kicked out of it because I didn’t attend all the time as I realise I felt lonelier with people my age, fortunately I found a smaller group with people who are much older than me with secure wisdom, like I realised I don’t get banter, I’m a very serious person so people my age are not that serious – I don’t want to diss people my age- they have a lot of maturing to do, this is not for all the young people, just people I met at church though I really can’t judge because I know God appreciate them and I could just be like- yeah God I’ll leave them for you to enjoy).
3 Reasons I stayed- and keep coming back:
Biblically sound preaching- the message is grounded in Scripture
Welcoming to newcomers- suitable for new believers, with a range of people at different stages of faith
Opportunities to serve- multiple ministry teams to get involved in
So, How Do You Choose the Right Church?
All the churches I attended preached the Bible. But whether a church is for you comes down to a few key questions for finding the right church:
Travel and time- consider the distance and how long the service lasts
Community- do you prefer a specific cultural group or a mixed congregation?
Involvement- how active do you want to be? Are you interested in a life group or small group ministry?
The sermon- do you genuinely enjoy and grow from the message?
Mission alignment- does the church's vision and values match where you feel called?
Your church journey is personal. Don't rush it- and don't settle for spiritually dry just because it's convenient.
Prayer for you: Lord, bring your people to the church that will not only benefit them but help build your kingdom. Lord, some of your people are tired of the churches they are in. Lord, give them hope in finding a new church that will refresh their souls. Lord help them to explore different churches and not have to feel guilty about church hopping- let them go to a church that suits their spiritual needs. Lord, may they enter a church that brings blessings of the words of God and that it will aid in helping them achieve maturity. Lord, hand them over to a church that will also aid in helping to prepare for your return- Lord God forbid you take them to a dead church or a church that seems filled but is spiritually dead inside/filled with demons. Lord bless your people in their coming and going. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Defo Future post: I’ll keep my word and try to post more content here on my blog
In my next blog, I’ll be writing about how I keep myself occupied while waiting for my future partner.
· If God says, "I don’t know you, depart from me, you workers of iniquity"- my personal perfect life analogy for understanding this verse clearly. Can’t say when I’ll post this- I’ll be breaking a promise again.
· Sermon on prayer from the guest speaker- once the church uploads this, I will reupload it more like an audio-podcast thing-ish with maybe with actual illustrations- could also provide a summary sheet. I will also chip and chop segments that could be interesting to watch for those who are more into short-form content, so they, too, can gain something from it. Can’t say for sure how long this will take me. The bare minimum I could do is just send the link to the video from the church’s website- but, being me (a creative person who likes good stories and talks), I want to add to the sermon even if it’s just a 3-second drawing of the guest speaker.
· How I stay occupied while waiting for my future husband in my Occupy My Time series
· End of April, I will update you again with the overview of my life- What to expect (content I will cover), how my new role is at the hospice, I’ll also be updating you on my side hustle ideas and how my content creator journey goes, any changes, etc. I have already drafted some updates; I just need to keep monitoring my progress and compile them at the end of April. I actually didn’t realise I did a lot of things, so maybe in the future, rather than waiting 2 months to wait for updates, I'll do it monthly- I’m also considering adding more visuals (like pictures) to each post to add more interesting elements- we’ll see.
Potential future video/post I could do: (if you're interested, please let me know and I'll do my best to cover the content).
Ideas from the previous post:
· Recommended videos to watch that I’ve been watching
· Creative project I’ll be working on
· Could do a bargain haul video
· collected stuff from Olio,
· What I did at London Creative Gals,
· Video: Swaps on Swap-bot haul and the rule
If there’s any content you want to see more of, definitely reach out. I welcome any feedback! 😊
In the meantime, if you haven't done so already, you can...